still here

Well hello there. Two months have passed and I bet you thought I abandoned this little space that I have here. Part of me thought I abandoned it too. I’ve questioned my use of this space in a season of such little free time. But somehow, a bit of a myself feels missing, not sharing. What a quandary for this introvert – being around people all the time and still not feeling like I’ve shared enough, emptied myself of what is most valuable. Ah so many paradoxes in life.

I’ve felt stretched thin and taut in the past months. Things have torn and required time to stitch back together. Everything is always so much harder than I think it should be – parenting, marriage, family, friendships, faith. I’ve allowed the weight to feel heavy on my heart, I’ve struggled to know how to rest, to take pleasure in the things I’ve completed or done well.

But here we are. Life struggling along as always, the beautiful alongside the ugly, just as it always will. I always find myself back in this place – calling out to God, telling him I don’t believe in Him and yet, I do. I don’t want to but I do. I will never make sense of it, this dance of belief and unbelief. And yet I rest my life in the place of belief, pushing forward with trust (of all things).

What is there to do but keep moving onward?

 

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